I know that my norm is to talk about domestic violence, but today I would prefer to talk about something different. You see, I am not always so bleak lol I do have a happy side…I just don’t always show it. That is because I like to inform people of what can happen and help them prevent it. But like I said, I would like to talk about something different 🙂
Have you been in a position where you had to go on a new first date? No not the one with your long time lover but the one where you are starting life anew. How many of you just jumped right in? How many of you wore the crown of procrastination? How many of you made the date, but then had something come up so you could cancel?
I for one earned the crown of procrastination when it comes to dating. Now mind you I am not one that really likes to talk about my personal life, but sometimes you need to to let others see another side of you. Now I have not dated in the past four years since my incident. I have been asked out, but I always put them off. I always have other plans (which mostly include a movie with my kids). I always find a way out of going out with someone new. Now some of you may think that it’s because of the trauma and drama I went through and you would be partly right. But it’s not just that. I can’t make myself go out. I can’t take that first step. I can talk on the phone (and I am good at that lol) and I can email or write real letters, but I cannot say yes to going out. I say that sounds good and I’ll get back to you on that.
Am I lonely? Yes, sometimes. Don’t I want the comfort of someones arms? Yes, I do… sometimes. I just can’t seem to do it. Believe me I have tried and I hope that someday I can. I have seen so many handsome men out there that I have thought ‘I would really like to go out with him’ and when he asks, I get scared. Not just because of the trauma, but because I am so afraid that I will do something wrong. You see, I don’t know how to date anymore. Now if he were to ask me to go horseback riding, I would be there in a minute…or not. No seriously, I love horseback riding, I would just be afraid to do that without other people. I can’t trust myself lol. I have years of unhappiness bottled up inside and I am so afraid of taking it out on someone else. I sometimes feel as though I am walking on eggshells. Now is the part where you tell me that it’s all in my head…Go ahead, leave a comment lol…These are things I need to hear. Will I listen? Who knows, but if someone cares enough to give me advice, I will respect them enough to listen and think about what they are saying.
To begin dating again is no easy task. Especially when you know you have baggage and you would really prefer it to be unclaimed. No I’m not talking about kids. Kids are important and they will always be no matter if they are mine or someone else’s. I mean all the stuff in the back of your mind that you are thinking and start talking about. The drama that you let escape your lips and never meant to because it was just too soon to say something. I mean all that ‘he did this to me’, ‘he left me with this’, ‘he didn’t do that’. You know what I mean. So you see, dating isn’t easy. I know that some people say that it’s like riding a bike, you never forget, but you do. When you have been married to one person for a while and you are used to the way that person is, it’s hard on that first date not to compare. I know in my instance I would be thinking, ‘no he isn’t like him…he is actually nice’ and then maybe ‘oh no he does that too?’. So I would really like to try something different…like a new first date, a new first kiss, the comfort of two strong arms, but alas, I am too afraid. I guess the question of the day is: Which matters more, fear or desire? The need to hide from the world or the need to find someone to love you for the rest of your life?
Perhaps one day I will be able to try something different. Perhaps one day I will let the fears and doubts subside. Perhaps one day I will meet someone that makes me forget the past ever happened…Perhaps one day I’ll try something different and give someone a chance 🙂
Now your job is to comment and give me your two cents. Isn’t that what we’re here for? To support each other? Now give me some support lol and tell me what you honestly think. I really do welcome your opinions and advice.
Have a beautiful evening and give that special someone a hug. Let them know that they are special. XXX OOO Talk to you soon 😀