About Theresa Mortimer

I am currently working on the fourth and fifth novels in the To Hide from Death series. I will be speaking at several high schools and colleges on the prevention of domestic violence. Forewarned is forearmed! Member of the Eastern Shore Writer's Assn. Proceeds from the sales of my books go toward building shelters for domestic violence victims. I also co-founded the Dreams Come True Horse and Animal Rescue and all of horse books fund this farm.

Stop the Violence!

STOP THE VIOLENCE! Part One

It’s so easy for someone else to say “Stop the violence”, especially if they have never been through what you and I have.  I can say stop the violence because I went through it.  The night my husband attacked me had been the-most-terrifying-time of my life and afterward,  I thoroughly believed that filing a protective order would save and protect me.  I had never been so wrong.  Not even the police would help me.  My ex-husband’s attorney taught him to counter-file every charge I made against him when he would violate it.  He told him to make accusations against me, this would keep the police from wanting to get involved and it did.  Every time I called and complained he was at my house, he would counter that I had first come to his.  I called them one day after he was there at my home screaming profanities at me and the Sheriff’s deputy that showed up told me “You need to stop this yo-yo crap, we’re quite frankly getting tired of it and the two of you need to grow up.”  Now, imagine being the victim who is learning how to breathe without refracturing her sternum, this is not only heart-breaking, it’s literally terrifying, now you know that no one wants to help you, not even the police.

Now you can understand the meaning behind stop the violence  it’s about stopping the violence before it begins and getting those who are victims the real help they need.  Domestic violence isn’t a game, although the violator believes it is.  He/she believes that this is a game of control and he/she doesn’t want to lose.  They use every tactic available to them to keep you under control and make you look unbelievable.  DO NOT GIVE UP!  You can win this game because you are going to learn how to be a game changer in upcoming posts.  In the meantime, what you need to do is recognize the signs so the violence can be stopped before it even begins.

When you first met everything was coming up wine and roses.  You never knew happiness like this, but there were signs you didn’t recognize.  Not because you were supposed to, not everyone knows the signs.  When you began dating he/she didn’t start calling you names then.  He/she didn’t tell you to stay away from your friends, but they may have begun murmuring about you seeing them more than you do him/her.  They might have said something like “You see them all the time, I feel like you like them more than me.  Can’t you please tell them you can see them another time?  I need you, I need to see you.”  It makes you feel bad and you put off your friends.  So, to begin the STOP the VIOLENCE Campaign, don’t put your friends off.  This person you began dating knew you had your friends.  I’m sure you told them you all get together every Friday for lunch or drinks.  This shouldn’t stop because you’re dating someone.  If your significant other has no ulterior motive, then they will have no problem with you seeing your friends.  Invite him/her to go to and if they care about you, they will.  If they come up with an excuse as to why they can’t and you should be with them, you need to explain nicely that this is a continuously standing date with your friends and that your new partner’s friends are welcome to come along but your partner shouldn’t expect you to drop them.

If they come back with we see your friends but never mine, retort with, you and your friends are welcome to come to, the more the merrier.  If your partner doesn’t care for that, then tell them you can see your partner’s friends the next night.  If you keep getting flack, then this isn’t a relationship that’s going to work for your better.  This is beginning to look like an unhealthy start and you need to cut your losses.  I don’t care how sweet they are, there is more to it than what’s on the surface.  A partner who truly cares for you is willing to compromise, just as you would compromise with your partner.  If you decide to keep seeing your partner even after going through something like this, then you need to stay alert to further signs.  We need to STOP THE VIOLENCE.

Abortion: Right or Wrong?

theresamoretimer

Abortion! Is it right or wrong?  It is a very controversial issue.  We all have our own beliefs and some of us refuse to be dissuaded from them.  Personally, I have always been  pro-life, anti-abortion, however you want to say it, and I try to talk people out of having them, but am I correct in being this way?

Religion, especially if you are Catholic tells you that life begins upon conception.  Does life really begin the moment semen takes a swim upstream and meets a desirable egg?  I have always believed that it does.  I still do.  So is it right to have an abortion?  I mean is there a time when abortion is right?  I can hear the arguments beginning.  Is there a time when a Christian woman is correct in having an abortion?  Or any woman for that matter?  Tell me, is there a time when it’s…

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Recovery

theresamoretimer

When we speak of the word recovery, the first thing that comes to mind is someone recovering from an illness and I suppose that is true.  However, I am speaking of recovery in a different aspect.  I know some of you just thought of recovering an object or money or possibly a friendship or relationship, but alas they are not the ones I’m referring to either.  Nor am I referring to recovering from an injury…or am I?

I would suppose one could say I am recovering from an injury.  No, not the one I sustained from domestic violence but of the assault I endured this past September.  I have mainly kept this to myself but now it time to recover and speak up.  I have spoken to a few friends like Paula and Mark and my dear friend Jerry S.  and I am in counseling receiving therapy for what I…

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Preventing Domestic Violence

As parents, we often don’t think about problem relationships for our children. Most families are lucky to have a wonderful relationship filled with love and support of each other. There is no need to worry about safety because they do not think about it being an issue. However, with domestic violence assaults being on the rise and more than you know being committed by teens, you can’t help but wonder how to prevent this from happening.

As a former victim, I speak about domestic violence and how to prevent it. I teach people the signs to watch for so they do not end up in one and also what to look for in their children’s relationships to steer them away from potentially hazardous relationships.

You may think that this wouldn’t happen to your teen, but you couldn’t be more wrong. I never believed this would happen to me and even worse, I never thought that it would happen to one of my children, but it did. I was so involved in being abused, I didn’t pay attention to the signs that my daughter was going through a hazardous relationship until she came home one night carrying her shoes.

This made me stop and take a good look at her. She was dirty, her shoes were wet and she had bruises on her arms. I confronted her that night about what was wrong. What had happened. She averted her eyes and said it was nothing. Right there the red flag was flying! I knew right then from what she said that she was being abused. She sounded and looked like me. If I hadn’t gone through what I had, I would have just thought that she had been fishing by the ditch and fell in, but I knew better.

I walked back to her room and asked her if her boyfriend gave her those bruises. I held no anger in my voice, I spoke calm and quietly, my heart breaking. She lowered her face to look at the floor and said so quietly, yes. Then entered her best friend, the girl next door. She looked at me and said mom, I have been telling her to tell you but she said you had been through enough and didn’t need her problems on top of your own. I shook my head back and forth and said that’s not true. I always need to hear your problems. I am NEVER too busy, caught up or distracted by my own problems. My daughter looked at me and said mom, you haven’t even noticed. That really caught my attention.

I said, you’re right, I have been caught up in myself with therapy, court and a lot of other things, but I am here now. I am back on Earth with you in the here and now and I want to know what is going on. I can see from the bruises on your arms that he has been man handling you. Her friend said that he was for the past few days. She told me it started with him telling her she couldn’t hang out with her friend anymore. 

I looked at both of them and said that is a sign right there that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction. Then I questioned her about the wet shoes and dirt. My daughter told me that they had an argument and he took her shoes and threw them in the ditch. After fighting with him and literally rolling the ground with him, she got them from the ditch.

To make a long story short, the young man went to jail for 3 years as he had done this same thing to a previous girlfriend. He would not be a problem for my daughter again, however, I knew I needed to discuss the signs of an unhealthy relationship. 

Here are some signs for you to look for when your children begin to date, no matter what their age:

1.  The partner is jealous of other friends past or present.

2.  Unexplained marks or bruises.

3.  They are not as talkative with you as they used to be.

3.  They are no longer hanging out with their usual friends.

4.  They act depressed or nervous.

5.  They no longer wish to participate in their usual extracurricular activities.

6.  They no longer want to spend time with family the way they used to (other than their usual date nights)

7.  Their wardrobe changes (not due to school)

8.  The partner finds animal abuse funny or commits such acts.

These are some of the warning signs. You don’t have to be paranoid, but you do need to be observant. Keeping an observing eye can be the one thing that keeps your child safe. I am always available to discuss the warning signs of domestic violence. If you need me, just say the word.

Author Tour Blog

First of all I would like to say thank you Annie for including me in the Author Blog Tour.
Now for those of you who really don’t know me, I am Theresa Moretimer, Author. Now…I shall answer your questions Annie
 
1) If you were beginning your writing career today what would you do differently?
I would promote my books a few months before they came out. In the beginning I didn’t really know how important advertising my books was before they came out.
 
2) What’s the one thing about you that might surprise the reader? 
I love horror and romance novels but write mystery.suspense/thrillers LoL.
 
3) Tell us a little about your main character in your latest book. 
Kelly Price is a domestic violence victim. She believes that by taking out a protective order she will be safe from her husband, Eric. However, after receiving several strange phone calls, prowlers in her yard and threats, she begins to wonder if she is. She is trying to shield her children from what is happening as she tries to figure it out for herself. Now she has to become a detective of sorts to find out who wants her dead and why.
 
4) What are some of your favorites; Color, Food, Place? 
Ahh…Favorite colors. I have a few of them LoL. I love green, blue, and silver and several others.
Food, now that’s another where I have a lot of favorites, especially the ones that don’t like me LoL. Pizza, Lasagna, Sour Beef and Dumplings, a good juicy, messy hamburger, baked chicken and roast beef.
My favorite place? That is anywhere on the water or on a horse and with my kids. I always feel at home on the water, at the beach, the lake. It’s like all my worries disappear, especially if I have the chance to go horseback riding on the beach. And yes, that is my other favorite place, in the woods on a trail ride, or just a ride through the pasture. 

Friendships

I know I usually discuss all things domestic violence, but today’s post is all about friendships. Not your regular human friendships, but friendships of another kind. Today is about an animal friendship.

My horse, Classy Lady and my pony, Honey, were the best of friends across a fence line. Honey would never allow her friend and stablemate to cross over her side of the fence. It’s funny because she couldn’t leave Classy lady out of her sight. Should we take Lady out to go for a ride without Honey, she would run the fence line calling to her friend and Lady would return the call.

Lady would be so excited on the return home, calling loudly to Honey to let her know she was back and Honey would come running to the fence to greet her. Lady and Honey were inseparable as pasture buddies in separate pastures LoL. They would talk to each other over the wall between their stalls. But Honey would never allow Classy Lady to walk inside her pasture. To put Lady in her stall we had to first put Honey in hers. It was a crazy friendship.

The day Classy Lady passed away was a heartbreaking one. She had been poisoned with antifreeze in her stall and there was nothing the vet could do. We had no choice but to either put her down peacefully, or have her suffer in pain from a slow poisoning. We chose to put her down.

As the vet worked on Lady, Honey would call to her and kept a constant vigil on her friend. And when the time had come to let her go, we led her from her stall and allowed her to stop at Honey’s so they could rub their heads together and say goodbye. It was the hardest thing to watch and the hardest thing to do. (Excuse me as I wipe my eyes)

Lady hugged each and every one of us as if she knew what was going to happen. She stood there as though this were something she was used to, but of course, it wasn’t. As she stood next to us, we explained to her through tears what was going to happen. We asked the vet to tell her what she would feel and she obliged. Teresa (our vet) had tears in her eyes too. This was a beautiful paint mare 26 years young and every child’s dream horse. She patted her and Lady rubbed her head on Teresa as though she were acknowledging what she said.

We each patted her, hugged her and she hugged us with her big powerful neck, wrapping it around each of us one by one as we and she said goodbye. As Teresa readied the shot, Lady walked up to my sister and placed her head on her chest and a tear ran from her eye. She was given her first shot and lie down on the ground then received the second and she was gone. The moment she was gone Honey let out a terrible cry. She called and stomped and couldn’t understand where her friend was.

Honey took the loss of her friend hard. She refused to eat and would just cry and look across the field in search of her friend. A friend could not keep their goat, so we went to their farm and picked her up. At first Honey was not accepting this thing that was taking over the stall of lost friend. But Nana wouldn’t stop trying to befriend Honey and withing three days they were friends. Honey was still mourning her friend, but she beginning to accept her new stablemate. Honey felt that loss so deeply, she actually let Nana in her pasture.

When Honey would be saddled up to ride, she would call her friend, Nana, and have her come along. It was a sight to see, the pony and her goat. Honey would ride Lizzy to church on Sundays and Nana would walk along behind LoL. Can you imagine the looks on the faces of the passersby? Two adults, a pony with a child on her back and a goat bringing up the rear? Then they stop at church? Honey would oblige all the kids with a ride in the church yard until Nana called and said it was time to go LoL and when Nana called, there were no more rides. She would wait for her little girl and then she was off with her goat.

Honey and Nana are still best friends. They have been friends for the last two years and you couldn’t find a better ones. When Nana had her triplets, Honey was the first to call to her and tell the news to everyone. Honey has become a Godmother to the kids LoL, she allows them to eat with her (which is not like Honey) but she shares with them. She allows the kids in her stall and she calls for them to follow when she is going for a ride.

No one would think that a pony could have such a close friendship, not only to a horse, but to a goat and her kids as well.

Here’s to the most beautiful of friendships! may we always know the best kinds 🙂

Cooking with Liz :)

Hello friends, followers and fans 🙂 I hope you are enjoying this lovely evening. It has been a while since I have been here to post my thoughts. Tonight, I’m not posting my thoughts on my usual works, but rather those of my youngest daughter. This is more of a plea for your help for her.

No, there is nothing wrong with her other than PTSD. She is fine other than that. She is a relatively brilliant child and I’m not saying that because she’s my daughter LoL. Her condition had made her unable to laugh and no one could laugh around her due to certain circumstances that she had went through. However, she is resilient. She started her own cooking show on YouTube and that has really lit her up. She smiles brighter than a Christmas Tree when she talks about her show.

I am a very supportive parent, so I convinced her to post her shows. She began with making up recipes for people that absolutely can’t cook. These are simple recipes, no fail recipes. She made it easy for people to say yes to the old “can you bring a dish to the party?”. However, she can’t seem to get enough likes on her YouTube videos. Of course we went to look at the ones she has created and somehow when I was looking at them on her channel, I must have erased all but one. So I need your help…

Can each of you go to the one video she has posted and view it? If you like what a 12 year old is doing, can you hit like? (She was 10 when she started this and 11 on this video) I would really appreciate it if you could. I would love to bring a smile back to her face. I promise I will post her smile after she sees that people have viewed her Learn to Cook on Cooking with Liz 11″ Oreo Cheesecake. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onQr8ewCaB4 Will you please tune in and give it a watch? You just might like it 😀 She has had over 300 views but people don’t seem to hit the like buttons. However she has had a girl she goes to school with hit the dislike button. That one ouched a bit, but she got over it 🙂

Thank you my friends, fans and followers. You will never know what a great deed you have done. Perhaps this will give her the boost to post her new videos 🙂 She is an amazing little chef. I hope you all have a wonderful night and a beautiful tomorrow 🙂

Hope

All of us at one time or another say the word ‘hope’. All of us at one time or another have hope, give hope, and need hope. Unfortunately, some give up on hope. I can see the wheels turning in your head. Give up on hope…who would do that?

That would be those who need hope the most. The ones who have fallen so far down that they don’t believe they will ever get up. The ones who have suffered so severely, they feel they have fallen into the cracks…Those cracks where hope cannot live.

Have you ever felt that way? I mean so far down that you can’t even believe that such a word even exists…’Hope’ Is there really such a thing? Can one really dare to believe they can climb out of the whole they have fallen into?

Yes…they can. Why? Because there are people out there like you and me that can give hope to those who feel hopeless. I’m talking about the abused. The ones so terrified they dare not tell a sole what is being done to them.

Children, women, and believe it or not, men. Yes, I said men. Did you know that almost 20% of domestic violence victims are male? That is something men do not like to tell. That is why they lose hope. If no one knows though, no one can help. If you can’t tell a friend or family member because of humiliation, you can call the domestic violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

The next that lose hope are children. After all, if you can’t trust the people that love you, who can you trust? Children are afraid to tell on their parents and not just from themselves being abused, but from watching a parent be abused. They hear, they see, and they are afraid to tell for fear of making things worse or getting in trouble, so they lose hope. Don’t let this happen to them. If you know someone is being abused, make the call to the hotline for them and get advice on how to approach the victim and explain their options. It is sometimes rather difficult to get them to listen, especially if it’s a woman.

Women lose hope fast! Those that are domestic violence victims believe in their partner. They love their partner. They believe them when their partner says it will never happen again, and then it does. They keep having hope that their partner will change, but they never do…and slowly, hope begins to fade…then it disappears altogether. They believe that they are destined to live or die this way. They lose hope of being saved, of their partner changing, of saving their family.

You can give hope. You can restore faith. You can become a living hero. When you see the signs, talk to the victim when you can. It can be hard when a violent partner is suspicious, they will not allow their victim to communicate with others, but if you can reach out, do. Call the hotline for advice, that’s what they are there for. If you don’t want to call, you are welcome to talk to me, but I’m not a professional, I cannot always give the advice you want to hear. It will be the advice that you need to hear. To give hope, maintain hope, instill hope. There is hope. It begins with you.

Something Different

I know that my norm is to talk about domestic violence, but today I would prefer to talk about something different.  You see, I am not always so bleak lol I do have a happy side…I just don’t always show it.  That is because I like to inform people of what can happen and help them prevent it.  But like I said, I would like to talk about something different 🙂

Have you been in a position where you had to go on a new first date?  No not the one with your long time lover but the one where you are starting life anew.  How many of you just jumped right in?  How many of you wore the crown of procrastination?  How many of you made the date, but then had something come up so you could cancel?

I for one earned the crown of procrastination when it comes to dating.  Now mind you I am not one that really likes to talk about my personal life, but sometimes you need to to let others see another side of you.  Now I have not dated in the past four years since my incident.  I have been asked out, but I always put them off.  I always have other plans (which mostly include a movie with my kids).  I always find a way out of going out with someone new.  Now some of you may think that it’s because of the trauma and drama I went through and you would be partly right.  But it’s not just that.  I can’t make myself go out.  I can’t take that first step.  I can talk on the phone (and I am good at that lol) and I can email or write real letters, but I cannot say yes to going out.  I say that sounds good and I’ll get back to you on that.

Am I lonely?  Yes, sometimes.  Don’t I want the comfort of someones arms?  Yes, I do… sometimes.  I just can’t seem to do it.  Believe me I have tried and I hope that someday I can.  I have seen so many handsome men out there that I have thought ‘I would really like to go out with him’ and when he asks, I get scared.  Not just because of the trauma, but because I am so afraid that I will do something wrong.  You see, I don’t know how to date anymore.  Now if he were to ask me to go horseback riding, I would be there in a minute…or not.  No seriously, I love horseback riding, I would just be afraid to do that without other people.  I can’t trust myself lol.  I have years of unhappiness bottled up inside and I am so afraid of taking it out on someone else.  I sometimes feel as though I am walking on eggshells.  Now is the part where you tell me that it’s all in my head…Go ahead, leave a comment lol…These are things I need to hear.   Will I listen?  Who knows, but if someone cares enough to give me advice, I will respect them enough to listen and think about what they are saying.

To begin dating again is no easy task.  Especially when you know you have baggage and you would really prefer it to be unclaimed.  No I’m not talking about kids.  Kids are important and they will always be no matter if they are mine or someone else’s.  I mean all the stuff in the back of your mind that you are thinking and start talking about.  The drama that you let escape your lips and never meant to because it was just too soon to say something.  I mean all that ‘he did this to me’, ‘he left me with this’, ‘he didn’t do that’.  You know what I mean.  So you see, dating isn’t easy.  I know that some people say that it’s like riding a bike, you never forget, but you do.  When you have been married to one person for a while and you are used to the way that person is, it’s hard on that first date not to compare.  I know in my instance I would be thinking, ‘no he isn’t like him…he is actually nice’ and then maybe ‘oh no he does that too?’.  So I would really like to try something different…like a new first date, a new first kiss, the comfort of two strong arms, but alas, I am too afraid.  I guess the question of the day is: Which matters more, fear or desire?  The need to hide from the world or the need to find someone to love you for the rest of your life?

Perhaps one day I will be able to try something different.  Perhaps one day I will let the fears and doubts subside.  Perhaps one day I will meet someone that makes me forget the past ever happened…Perhaps one day I’ll try something different and give someone a chance 🙂

Now your job is to comment and give me your two cents.  Isn’t that what we’re here for?  To support each other?  Now give me some support lol and tell me what you honestly think.  I really do welcome your opinions and advice.

Have a beautiful evening and give that special someone a hug.  Let them know that they are special.  XXX OOO  Talk to you soon 😀

Moving Forward

Moving forward is something we all hear at one time or another.  What does that mean to you?  Does it mean move on with your life and get over that someone you cared about that left you?  Does it mean you can find another job?  Does it mean you can get another house?  Or does it mean you can outrun the nightmare that keeps repeating?  To me, moving forward means that you can TRY to outrun the repetitive nightmare, but it doesn’t mean you can.

I have been steadily moving forward for the past four years.  That’s about the time my nightmare should have stopped.  It didn’t!  No, I am living the nightmare everyday even though I keep moving forward.

I move forward with my children.  I give them love, support, stability and try not to show them my fears.  My daughters have moved forward beautifully because of what I do for them.  I keep the nightmares to myself.  I believed that there was no reason for them to know what was still going on.  because of that, they are all honors students.  Students have earned college credits and not yet left high school.  One wants to be a vet, one wants to be a model and is well on her way.  One wants to be a business owner and is doing a great job!  The youngest wants to be all she can be 🙂  I am so proud of them for having the ability to move forward.

Unfortunately though, the nightmare has re-presented itself.  It had manifested it’s way back into our lives and not only is it affecting us, but it is drawing in others.  It seems that unfortunate neighbors reap the effects that even the slightest bit of help seems to deal out.

I thought that a divorce was in the correct stepping order of moving forward.  WRONG!  It seems to have triggered something much more vial in my nightmare than I ever thought existed, and this comes from a woman that nearly died.  The nightmare visited me again last night, though I did not get much sleep.  You see, this is a living nightmare that just won’t allow me to have the pleasure of moving forward the way moving forward ought to be.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to feel like a real woman again.  To not feel the fear, to not agonize over what may happen next, to not live life expecting the worst, is how I would like to move forward.  To have someone new in my life to hold hands with, to talk to or just watch a movie or take a walk on the beach would be a wonderful way to move forward.  However, the nightmare won’t allow it.  the nightmare continuously haunts me and nothing can be done.  I have moved and yet the nightmare began less than a month later.  Now I may move again and see if the nightmare remains or diminishes.  Who knows? maybe the nightmare will get lost and I will finally be allowed to move forward.

I envy those who can and do move forward.  I can relate to those who can not.  I believe that I will escape the nightmare someday and be able to move forward.  In the meantime, I’ll continue to write.